Believe it or not, this is not the first time I have started writing this blog entry. Every line I started with sounded so cliché or trite, I would decide to start over. I guess that is a lot like what is going on in my mind right now. I find myself thinking about starting over quite a bit these past several days. Not so much me starting over, but my daughter. She is a great kid that is much a typical teenager (though she is still 12) and has to deal with all the middle school issues all middle school kids go through. But she is also an athlete and a pretty good one. I would say above average anyway. For years she was a competitive dancer and then competitive softball and basketball started. She had to make a choice, dance or the sports. I was elated (thinking about my check book) when she decided competitive sports would be the direction she headed. I have to say in the early years (8 – 10) we were very fortunate. We had some really good experiences and good coaching along the way. And then it happened…
Somehow things fell apart. I refuse to go into who did what and get into all the drama associated with it (and believe me, there is some serious drama in youth sports), but suffice it to say we found ourselves in a situation that was both difficult and devastating to our daughter. Softball got the first black eye in our family. We moved on, found another team and put it behind us. Fast forward two years and here we are again, starting over looking for a new team, looking for some place to call home.
If you have ever had a daughter play competition softball, you know, the long hours of practice, driving, tournaments. But you see the joy in their faces when they get the hit or make the catch and everyone cheers for a short moment for her. Then there is the other side of it. When you watch your daughter as she slowly slips into that state of mind where there is no more joy and all she can think about is getting away from it all. Sometimes it is the parent’s fault for pushing her too hard. Sometimes it is the player’s fault for not putting forth the effort that is required at the level of play she finds herself. Sometimes it is the coach’s fault. The coach’s list can become quite extensive. It is hard being a coach. The balance between doing what you feel is right and what is right for each individual player vs. what is right for the team can be a tightrope the size of a razor blade sometimes. I heard a statistic several years ago and it was something like 75% of kids quit sports by the time they reach age 12, not because they dislike sports, but because they have a bad experience with a coach. I do not know if that statistic is true or not, but I hope and pray it is not.
I feel bad for our kids too. It seems each sport the child has to choose younger and younger which sport they want to focus on. If they don’t focus on a single sport, by the time they get to high school, they probably won’t make the team or if they do make the team they won’t see any significant play time. I had a conversation with a parent the other day in which an ex-NFL player was telling me he did not see the value in his 9 year old child playing football. He saw more value in him playing lacrosse and basketball or just running around having fun than playing football. While I don’t completely disagree with the other sports, I do believe that if that child waits until he gets to 8th grade (here in our part of the country that is when they can first start playing school sponsored football), it will be too late for that child. I have seen it with many, many kids already. I’m not talking about kids who were slugs or non-athletic, but some bona-fide athletes that just didn’t have the training to compete. The father’s logic was pretty clear. He didn’t start playing until he was in high school and made it all the way to the pros. It could be done. I really hope I’m wrong but only time will tell. In my experience the coaches at the lower levels of school ball neither have the time nor talent to properly teach the game.
Back when I played sports we had something called “seasons”. Football season, basketball season, track/baseball season, etc. Now basketball, baseball and softball for the most part run year round and football, well football has two parts. In season and out of season and you are expected to train during both. I had a conversation with a lacrosse parent in Republic, MO in which he told me about the lacrosse program that was starting to get off the ground pretty good in Springfield, MO getting devastated because the head football coach decreed that if any players were playing lacrosse, then they would not be allowed to play football. So the players had to make a choice. I honestly wonder if the kids had decided to challenge his decree (apparently quite a few star players played lacrosse) if he would have stuck with it. I mean a coach can only do so much; the players actually play the game. I have pretty strong opinions about coaches and coaching, but I’ll save those for another day. It just boggles my mind how some people can gain so much authority over someone else’s life, just because they coach them in a game. I guess that is where my daughter was lucky this weekend. I have had some of the worst coaches ever and some of the best. I recognize the differences of what makes a good coach and a bad coach and when I saw the signs of what this coach was doing to my daughter, I pulled the plug. Yes, she is starting over but that is a far cry better than the alternative. 12 years old is too young to give up something you love because someone with a little bit of authority is making you miserable so times…they are a changin’.